A quick guide to New Year’s resolutions through the ages.

As 2018 draws near, Rajesh LifeSpaces has drawn out a helpful list of the most popular resolutions made through the ages. If you are sitting down to some soul-searching decisions for your future, you may find this handy.

a. Stop Procrastinating

An oldie, but a goodie. It’s probably the original New Year’s resolution which is based on the painful knowledge that your resolutions from about 17 years ago are still pending.

 

b. Be more productive

This is a good resolution to make, since it can take the rest of the year to define what ‘productivity’ means. By the end of the year, turning your pillow-case inside out to avoid doing your laundry could count as ‘productivity’.

 

c. Make better use of your time

This resolution is made by everybody who has regretted not wasting their time more often. That Youtube Channel with people slipping and falling isn’t going to watch itself, people.

 

d. Keep a journal

We cannot stress the importance of this resolution. It is necessary to keep a journal that is private, deeply personal and equally accessible to the authorities in case you are accused of something horrible. A few entries blaming random characters of deep psychological trauma can turn accusers into sympathisers.

 

e. Get richer

This is easier than most people think. All you need to do is rob a few banks or casinos in the neighbourhood. There’s nothing to it.

 

f. Cross a few items of your bucket list

There’s always something we’ve always wished we could do, like eat a whole raw pumpkin in one sitting. There is no time like the present. We highly recommend that you go for it.

 

g. Have more fun, go on more adventures

For most people, life is a chore. Not so for the more fire-branded amongst us. How will we ever know how it feels to skydive? Or sunbathe next to a crocodile-filled lake? Or even find out how much cola we can pour into a glass before it fizzes over the edge? How do we know, if we don’t even try?

 

h. Achieve Inner Peace

Everybody wants this. Few achieve it. It’s just a matter of getting comfortable, slow down your breathing, clear all thoughts from your mind, let every muscle, tendon and sinew relax till you feel all your worries ebb away and …. zzzzzzzz, zzzzzz, zzzzzz.

 

i. Become a happier person

Here is an idea that everybody can support. The sage advice here has always been to forget the past, forgive your enemies and live in the present. We recommend an alternative. Plan your revenge against everyone who annoys you and giggle maliciously to yourself. See, instant happiness.

 

j. Be more creative

Why not? A little whimsy is a good thing. Pattern yourself after a creative genius and go one further. Who wants to be a Van Gogh, when you can go the extreme route? Step one: buy a ton of paint, a large mop and the side of a building. You know step two.

 

k. Write a novel

Be warned. This can be quite addictive. People tend to do this over and over again, till they hit rock bottom and end up selling their stories to late-night cable channels and Hindi movie producers.

 

l. Find work you love

That Porsche test driver’s job is just waiting to be filled. People are already testing mattresses by sleeping all day. Seize the day.

 

m. Increase your will power

This becomes increasingly easier when you consider the alternative. People will consider you lazy, scared and unambitious. Unless that was your goal all along. Congratulations. You’ve succeeded.

 

n. Travel

While there are excellent guides to the more popular tourist spots in the world, remember there are still parts that haven’t been documented. We believe Outer Mongolia is nice, this  time of year.

 

o. Be healthier and get fit

If your favourite foods are deep fried with cheese on top, this may be pertinent. Make a deep commitment to yourself that this New year, you will walk vigorously five kilometres each day to the shop that sells your favourite deep fried foods with cheese on top.

 

p. Get organised

When your keys are in the safe, your lunch is in the shower stall and your slippers are on the top shelf of the medicine cabinet, this is a good resolution to consider. Remember, there are several self-help books about this, which never work because nobody who buys them remembers where they left them.

 

q. Build new habits

First re-consider your old ones. Is eating ‘keri ka achaar’ with a fork practical at all? We think not. But we will let you come to the right conclusion yourself. This will give you the will and the inner spirit to vow never to do it again. In the future, you will eat ‘keri ka achaar’ with chopsticks.

 

We hope this has been helpful. We wish you the very best of luck in your endeavours. Happy New Year.

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